Why are you single?

Today a man asked me "How's a girl as gorgeous as you still single?"

First of all, I'm not saying I'm gorgeous. I'm not. I just have days when everything seems to work. Those days are few and far between. But I don't think I'm bad looking either.

Anyway, I hate that question. I used to get it a few years ago, and I had an easy answer. Because I wasted two years on a douche bag boyfriend and I'm not ready to get into a new relationship.

But now? Three years later and still single, I have no f'n clue! Honestly, do not ask me that kind of question. What do you want me to say?

Um, because I'm the "marrying kind" and all the guys I meet are the "let's just hook up for a bit" kind. Because guys are afraid of my gigantic family. Because I'm a dreamer? Because I do not want to live in the same place for the rest of my life? Because I get hung up on guys like Penn, who obviously are not ready for any sort of relationship yet still make butterflies erupt every time I hear their voice? Because I have trust issues after Lucifer, so when a guy starts to like me I run for the hills? Because I live in the middle of f'n nowhere???

I don't know why I'm single! Believe me, if I could figure out the reason, don't you think I would fix it?

But instead, I smile, give a little fake laugh, and say "Oh I don't know, all these boys are crazy I guess..." And then try to get away because he's an old man and he's sort of, kind of hitting on me, and I don't like that.

Family

Agh, what a day. Still recovering from a stomach bug, and then eating freaking doritos yesterday... but because I have missed so much work the last two days I went in early to catch up.
Although at work I realized Average Girl was having a party over at her blog, so I couldn't help but stop by, have a few glasses of "wine" and then read about ten other blogs. So, maybe I didn't get that much done...

There's a family reunion at our hotel right now. They are all loud, drunk, and crazy. Children run from play room to dining room, and adults continually come up to me asking for a drink (even though I have nothing to do with the bar). Today was the first day, so it was extra insanity with everyone hugging, yelling hellos, and exclaiming how much Junior has grown, or asking when the baby is due.
I sat there in awe. Not too long ago that was how my mother's family got together every Thanksgiving, and I missed the excitement and love, and the tiny bit of stressful insanity that went along with family reunions. Since my brothers have married and the rest of us have grown and scattered, we haven't gotten together with my mom's family as much. I miss it.
But I am looking forward to the time when my family gets together for a reunion. When my brothers and their kids all return to my parents house and it's an insane racket of children running through the rooms, playing video games, tag, and making the adults crazy. My sisters-in-law will be tossing back glasses of wine, the boys drinking the drink of the moment - right now it's Old Fashions, and playing a vicious game of Apples to Apples.
I can just feel the excitement, the tinge of a buzz, hear the laughter, the yells, Clara running up to pull on my sleeve, asking why Grampy is sneaking downstairs.
Gosh, it has been far too long since we all got together.
My mom's family lives in two places. One of her brothers and one of her sisters live in our town. My grandparents have a house here, and a house in MA. The rest of my mom's siblings live in the same town in MA. It's where they grew up, and it's where they will stay. So everyone will remain close.
My family? One brother in Denmark, one in Seattle, one in Boston, one in Wisconsin. The rest here... but the girls are little, who knows where they will end up. Who knows where I will end up?
We are scattered all over, it takes a big event, like a wedding, to get us all in one place at the same time. And who knows when that will happen?

Hm, I didn't think this would be a depressing post... woops.

If you have celiac disease, do not eat Nacho Cheese Doritos.
Cool Ranch Doritos, on the other hand, are fine.
What's with that?

Saturday

Saturdays are spectacular. Even though I never get Friday or Saturdays off I am determined to make Saturdays feel like a weekend. Since my shift does not begin until 2:30 p.m. I purposely sleep in on Saturdays. Most days I like to get up, run, shower, make phone calls (usually to my school to deal with awful things like financial aid), maybe prepare dinner for the crock pot, and maybe run some errands. But Saturdays I will do no such thing.
I get one day off a week, Sundays. On Sundays I get up early to shower, eat breakfast, and head to church. After church is a lot of chatting, maybe a trip to the bagel place, which lasts almost two hours (a post on that to come) and when I finally get home there is laundry to do, and then my parents want to talk business all night. Not much of a day off in my opinion.
So Saturdays I sleep late (9:30 usually) head downstairs in my p.j.'s, make myself a cup of coffee, snuggle up on the couch near the fire with my iphone and call my niece in Copenhagen. After that chat, which always leaves me laughing (even if my brother points out the planet of a pimple on my forehead... there are pros and cons to this facetime thing) I break out my sudoku, and have breakfast (which, if I'm lucky, is made by my mother) and another cup of coffee.
This morning was just like that. I tackled a few sudoku problems, chatted with my mom and sisters, and then we were inspired to watch Funny Girl. I didn't get off the couch until one o'clock. It was perfection. After that kind of morning, I almost don't mind working on a Saturday night.

Who says you can't go home?

I will be the first to tell you how dull my little town is. I have never been very good at living here for too long.
I have no car, one single friend remains in the area (but actually two towns over) and to get anywhere worthwhile you have to drive twenty minutes. But to get anywhere out of staters would consider worthwhile you would have to drive two hours.
The only movie theater is twenty minutes away and it has three theaters. And they are the kind of theater that keeps G-Force in for a month straight but There Will Be Blood was not even played there. I remember the first time I went to a movie theater in Massachusetts and was blown away by the sixteen theaters it housed, and it had an arcade. Well, we have Buck Hunter...
We do have a bowling alley, again twenty minutes away. If you want to drive 35 minutes in the summer, a camp ground has mini golf.  As much as I love going to bars and dancing, I will not step foot in our local "night club." And as long as I stay here I will stay completely single.
So all of this makes me wonder why on earth I am wanting to stay for three extra months. I guess something this morning felt comfortable when I made the decision and later brought it up to my parents. Yes I am turning 23 tomorrow, no I do not want to move out of your house. Thanks.
More than being surprised by my decision, I was surprised by my mother's reaction. "Oh, I'm so glad! I think that's a great idea. No use running off so soon." I know my mom loves me and everything. But I also know she cannot stand having me in the house.
Yet, looking back, I have been a good house guest. Despite one or two crabby mornings, I haven't been that tough to live with. I haven't complained about my lack of friends or vehicle. I only yelled at my dad once, but there were no tears. Things have been peaceful (well, on my side, my 15 year old sister has had her share of discord).
I'm not sure if I'm growing up, or giving up. Either way I am starting to appreciate the beauty of white, glittering snow on endless hills. I am actually enjoying my job too... which may have to do with my dad telling me how great I'm doing, it always feels good to be appreciated! But I really am doing great, I haven't messed up once, the guests love me, I've been making sales. I am actually good at what I do.
I guess you would have had to have seen the prequel to this movie to understand my complete lack of self confidence. But it's easy to get... Lost in the shadows of amazing brothers, and especially darkened by my brilliant and successful younger brother, I have never found my own. I always thought the only thing I was good at was being a babysitter, and I even stopped being good at that... but only because I got sick of babysitting, I'm actually still really good when I want to do it (only my niece really..).
But as soon as I stepped back behind the desk I felt comfortable, and happy, and it showed. So maybe that is why I want to stay home. I am good at what I am doing now, if I leave I'll have to start all over again, at something I'm maybe not so good at. And I'll be taking classes, and trying to get comfortable in a new home. And right now, that is too much for me to handle. I just need to relax for a time. There's nothing wrong with that, right?