Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I just want to travel

A couple days ago I announced to my mother I had made another career change, and then five minutes later I took it back.
"I don't know what I want to do! I just want to travel, that's it, just travel." I whined. Living back at home I've become such an amazing whiner.
"Then why are you plopping yourself down in Texas for a year?" Mom responded defiantly - Mom has also become very snappy. Oh we make a happy household.
"Because I've always wanted to live in Texas! So I'm trying it out. And then in a year I'll go to Nepal for three months, then I'll come  back and make more money then go --"
"ANNIE!" My mom interrupted me with an abrupt yell, "I want grandchildren!"
"Well in order for you to get grandchildren from me I need to find a man, and I don't see that happening any time soon."
"Not at the rate you're going! Why can't you just sit still for a minute and allow a man to actually meet you!"
"If he can't keep up he's not worth it! Oh and Mom, I am your fifth child, why don't you go bother the married children. Or even the ones who are in relationships." Also, side note here, she does have two granddaughters already, but they live in Denmark, and that makes her sad. She wants grandchildren stateside. "Also!" I begin to storm, "I am only twenty-three years old!" Here's the problem with that argument: all of the females in my family have either married, had a child, or had a very serious boyfriend that would quickly lead to marriage by the time they were my age. Usually by the age of twenty-one. My family is used to that. They expect that. I even expected it.
At nineteen I thought I had my life mapped out for me. I had a date picked out for my wedding to "the love of my life." We had a plan to live in Spain for a few years and come back home to start having babies.  Even after things crashed and burned with The Boy I still thought of myself as a girl who would settle down young, with a handsome man, have babies right away - and lots of them, live in the country with the white picket fence and a family dog.
I can't pinpoint when things began to change. But after living in Europe, after halfheartedly going on dates, meeting a wonderful man but losing him again due to distance, I realized that I didn't just want to be a wife and mother. I want to live my own life, have my own plans, be my own complete person.
Yes, of course I would still like to meet a man someday, I still absolutely want to have children, but I am in no rush. I am twenty-three, I have years ahead of me. Right now, I need to figure out what kind of life I want to live, who I want to be, where I want to be. And maybe, someday, someone will come along who wants the same things out of life, and we will continue to travel side by side.


  1. Haha I don't think it's bad to want a man who can keep up with you! I totally agree! (Maybe that's why I'm still single, haha)

  2. Good for you! Your 20s are for LIVING not settling down, that's what I think. You have years to do that stuff. Go travel and have experiences and it'll figure itself out. You sound scarily like me.

  3. You sound wise to me. Stick to your guns with your mother! My mom is getting anxious for grandbabies, too, however I'm 29 and my little sister is 26, so we are older than you. But, we still have lots of life in front of us and I think it's good to experience it before you have children. Best of luck! p.s. found you on 20sb.

  4. Interesting- I was always a homebody! Travels seemed like too much work...but now I live in South Africa. Have you ever thought of coming to Cape Town? It is very European, yet, African, and you can easily visit other places from here. If you have any questions...!

  5. I have thought of visiting Cape Town! It's on the top of my "to do" list!
    I always thought I was a homebody too - and in a way I am, I absolutely love coming home. But in an instant I'm ready to leave again...
    Once I got a taste of it, I just can't stop..

  6. Ah, you're speaking my heart!
    I lived in England for half a year and spent nearly a month backpacking through Europe (southern coasts of Italy and Greece are amazing, by the way) and well, it's pretty contagious. I'm currently "settled down" in the Atlanta area near where I grew up by my husband and I know that this is just a step along the way...I know what you're going through! Just stay encouraged and travel when you can...


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