I am from...

I am from green, rolling hills and dipping valleys, from plastic kites on top of breezy knolls.

I am from the maple trees and dripping sap, from the tangy scent of fresh cut grass.

I am from the dandelion speckled fields, from the red clover and daisies. I am from the wildflowers.

I am from Sunday lunches after church and summers on the stage, from painted faces and lullabies by the fire.

I am from the glacial gap and a million stars. I am from the fireflies and s’mores. I am from old red barns and hiding in the hay loft. I am from burning red foliage and jumping in piles of leaves.

I am from love and laughter and plump figures. I am from “you can do anything” and “reach past the stars.” I am from a gaggle of brothers and superman figurines. I am from forts in the woods, a house in a silo. I am from the land of make believe.

I am from a church of love and forgiveness. I am from a cross around your neck and above your bed. I am from multi-colored rosary beads and a mother blessing her children with holy water. I am from a deep faith that sometimes falters but never falls away.  

I am from a farmhouse and a picket fence, from welcoming arms and helpful hands. I am from dirt roads and swimming holes, from iced tea and chocolate chip cookies at 3 pm.

I am from strawberry rhubarb pies and corn mazes, from sorrel lining the hiking path. I am from hay bale hide and go seek.

I am from hot chocolate and racing toboggans. I am from the best sledding hill in town. I am from snowmen villages and snowball fights. I am from frost bitten toes and red cheeks.

I am from home videos and boxes of pictures that document thirty years. I am from a slideshow on a white wall. I am from mistakes made and lessons learned. I am from memories that will last a lifetime.

I am from laughing into the night and pancakes in the morning. I am from a cup of tea and a good book. I am from cuddles and friendly wrestling.

I am from Irish eyes, romantic hearts, and knocked knees. I am from adventure. 

Annie, The Doppelganger

Have you ever seen How I Met Your Mother? It’s one of my favorite shows and recently I’ve gotten Madic into watching. Every once in awhile I sit on our floor with him and catch a few episodes on the computer. The latest one we watched was Doppelgangers. In the last scene Ted tells Robin that eventually we all become our own doppelganger; we are completely different people who just happen to look like us. Ted makes a comparison of their characters five years earlier. Maybe it was the sangria thinking, or maybe it was the nostalgia from an earlier conversation with my mother, but I started to think about how I was my own doppelganger.

Five years ago I had just graduated from high school. I was dating a boy I was convinced was the love of my life and just months from an engagement. I had decided to defer my college acceptance for a year to work a little and travel to the Dominican Republic to volunteer. I had my life completely planned out in front of me. Although I cannot remember my exact plans, I know they never involved me moving to Austin with Madic, signing a one year lease on an apartment we couldn’t afford to furnish. But here I am; sitting on the floor of an empty living room drinking gifted sangria and watching How I Met Your Mother with my best friend.

A number of things have changed since July 2006. The Boy and I went through a tumultuous breakup the likes I could have never imagined. I never finished college. I lived in London and Denmark. I fell in love with a frat boy from Maryland and then chose my own life path instead of following him. I moved back in with my parents. I picked up and moved to Texas without any plan, without any job… just following a dream.

Ted tells Robin that five years ago she was great, but her “doppelganger”, the Robin of now, was the greatest friend and most amazing person he’d ever met. How do I feel about my doppelganger? I am overflowing with pride. Sure, my life hasn’t turned out anything like I planned when I was eighteen. Of course I wanted to get a degree. Of course I had dreamed of marrying The Boy and starting a family. But I am so proud of where I am now. I’ve taken chances, I’ve gone on adventure after adventure, I have lived. And I’m nowhere close to being finished.

Maybe I’m a little nervous and occasionally frustrated about my job hunt and not really knowing anyone other than Madic. Maybe every once in awhile I question my decision and miss home, my family, my friends. But I love this city. I’m excited about my job prospects. I have been blessed in finding an amazing community of young, Catholic professionals. I am meeting new friends every day. I have also grown a considerable amount in the last five years. I am stronger, more independent, more mature, more grounded. I have had my heart broken, I’ve made compromises and mistakes, I’ve had regrets. But I have learned from it all.

This doppelganger, this version of Annie five years later, she is the girl – the woman – I’ve always wanted to be. I just had to grow up to figure it out. And you know what? I’m excited to find out who Annie will be five years from now, but I will not be at all surprised if she is nothing like me.

I just want to travel

A couple days ago I announced to my mother I had made another career change, and then five minutes later I took it back.
"I don't know what I want to do! I just want to travel, that's it, just travel." I whined. Living back at home I've become such an amazing whiner.
"Then why are you plopping yourself down in Texas for a year?" Mom responded defiantly - Mom has also become very snappy. Oh we make a happy household.
"Because I've always wanted to live in Texas! So I'm trying it out. And then in a year I'll go to Nepal for three months, then I'll come  back and make more money then go --"
"ANNIE!" My mom interrupted me with an abrupt yell, "I want grandchildren!"
"Well in order for you to get grandchildren from me I need to find a man, and I don't see that happening any time soon."
"Not at the rate you're going! Why can't you just sit still for a minute and allow a man to actually meet you!"
"If he can't keep up he's not worth it! Oh and Mom, I am your fifth child, why don't you go bother the married children. Or even the ones who are in relationships." Also, side note here, she does have two granddaughters already, but they live in Denmark, and that makes her sad. She wants grandchildren stateside. "Also!" I begin to storm, "I am only twenty-three years old!" Here's the problem with that argument: all of the females in my family have either married, had a child, or had a very serious boyfriend that would quickly lead to marriage by the time they were my age. Usually by the age of twenty-one. My family is used to that. They expect that. I even expected it.
At nineteen I thought I had my life mapped out for me. I had a date picked out for my wedding to "the love of my life." We had a plan to live in Spain for a few years and come back home to start having babies.  Even after things crashed and burned with The Boy I still thought of myself as a girl who would settle down young, with a handsome man, have babies right away - and lots of them, live in the country with the white picket fence and a family dog.
I can't pinpoint when things began to change. But after living in Europe, after halfheartedly going on dates, meeting a wonderful man but losing him again due to distance, I realized that I didn't just want to be a wife and mother. I want to live my own life, have my own plans, be my own complete person.
Yes, of course I would still like to meet a man someday, I still absolutely want to have children, but I am in no rush. I am twenty-three, I have years ahead of me. Right now, I need to figure out what kind of life I want to live, who I want to be, where I want to be. And maybe, someday, someone will come along who wants the same things out of life, and we will continue to travel side by side.

New Name, Follow Friday (er, Sunday), and a Little Bit of Love!

On Friday I wanted to do a wonderful Follow Friday post for you all, I had been planning it all week, but then Blogger hiccuped so much it passed out and I was left with just twitter to announce my love. And then my Twitter stopped working and so glared at my computer until I got out of work (what? actually do work at work, no thank you!). When I got home my internet wasn't working at all. So I opened a bottle of wine and watched Reba with my mom (she's obsessed with Reba, records every rerun there is, and Lifetime also loves Reba, so there are a lot of reruns). So that was my Friday, hooray!
Yesterday work was slow yet again. I started poking around my blog and realized, although I love Albert Einstein's quote, it just didn't seem to fit. Also, there are about fifty blogs with the same name. I needed something different.
When I first started college, right around the time The Boy and I broke up, my mantra became "Believe."
Believe that things will get better. Believe that this was the right decision. Believe in love, despite it all. Also, Believe that the Red Sox will win the World Series - and they did friends, they did. My mom bought me a wooden BELIEVE sign that hung above my bed until it got lost in one of my many moves (I'm asking for a new one before I leave for Austin).
"Believe" has so much optimism behind it, so much possibility. So much inspiration. Please take a look at my "I Believe" page for some more inspiration, and let me know what you believe.

Why "Believe You Me"? My name couldn't just be "believe" and I have always thought that phrase was silly, and like to use it a lot, and then giggle.

The pirate ship: do you see it? why is it there? I love pirates! I really do. Have you read the True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle? I want that kind of life. Except for the framed for murder part... Also my nickname from Bear is Pirate as a result of the best Thanksgiving we ever had, a story that is perhaps for another day.
I have to clarify, because I was yelled at during a heated game of Apples to Apples about how horrible real pirates are. I don't like real pirates, I like the ones in fairy tales, make believe, Peter Pan.

Now on to my "Follow Friday" post:
I used to have a "blogs I love" page, but really I love a lot of blogs, so I've decided to start a new series where I link you to my favorite posts of the week. So, without further ado...

Thought Catalog: Ten Reasons Why Being Single Sucks  - Honestly, I don't think being single is that bad. Although I miss Penn occasionally, I'm pretty content. But this line just made me chuckle :
"A single person’s substitute for sex is a glass of wine, and an order of chicken tika marsala while watching old episodes of 30 Rock. To get some kicks, maybe they will wear something provocative for the delivery man"

Just a Titch: On Tug of War

Oh Hello Friend: Collections/Jane Austen - because you should all know how much I love Jane Austen

Almost Fearless: Crash Course on Getting a Job on a Cruise Ship - I really love everything about this blog. They are living the life I want. And this post made me go, "hm, maybe I'll do that." Because I never want to stop traveling!

Life Begins Now: 6 ways to tell you've been traveling for awhile - it reminded me that it has been too long since I've traveled.

Bluebird Rising: The Night the Rain Came - I just loved this.

Harbor Cottage: Things I know for certain - I thought this was a fun concept, and tried to think about what I knew for certain. Turns out, not much...

Hate You Probably: Good Game Life - so horrifying it's funny.

Kissed a Frog: Follower Love  - Ok, maybe I'm a little biased because she talks about me! But you should read her anyway, she's great!


Sailing Bo: turn off your tv - everything Bo writes, I love.


And there you have it! Go read them and love them!
And I want to welcome anyone who found me via #FF! And to thank those of you who recommended me! I love it/you/this! 

She Lived With Laughter in Her Heart

I believe my epitaph (or I hope) will read, “She lived with Laughter in Her Heart.” At my house we have a sign that says “Live, Laugh, Love,” a saying that has exploded within the young lady population. It’s something to live by, and I believe my saying ties it all together.

My parents taught us to give everything of ourselves, to help others at every opportunity possible; to be aware that we are not the only ones in the world. They encouraged seizing the day, making the most of our one life, getting as much out of it as possible. They encouraged happiness and laughter and brotherly love. They encouraged adventure and fun and spirituality. They encouraged life.
My older brothers helped to enforce the idea of living into my days. They always did their best, were involved in anything they could. They followed their dreams, never worried about them not coming true. They always did what made them happy and what would benefit others the most. They learned not only in the classroom but around the world. They opened their lives to different cultures, different ideas, and different religions.

I live: As I heard stories and watched the lives of my brothers, I knew that life was nothing to take for granted. I wanted my part of it, and I wanted to give my part as well. So I did it. I became involved in many organizations in high school, I volunteered as much as possible. And, taking a leaf out of one brothers’ book, I took a year off after high school and moved to the Dominican Republic. I lived at an orphanage and taught English and volunteered at the local hospital. I savored every moment, whether in the classroom, at the hospital, or just out in the streets playing with the children.

I love: I hold every moment close to me. I reveled in the eyes of my young niece as she spoke her very first word. I felt the excitement of my sister’s first high school dance. I burst with pride and warmth when my brother proposed to the love of his life. I live for these moments, these moments of pure happiness and innocence. Of pure love. I love life. I love all the possibilities around me. I love the fact that everyone has a chance to make a better world.

I laugh: I am known for my smile and my laughter. I am known for my unfailing optimism, my energy, and my craving for adventure. There are countless moments around the dinner table I will never forget, where all ten of us dissolve into laughter we cannot suppress, where food goes untouched for minutes before we can compose ourselves enough to eat. There are study sessions and coffee breaks that are interrupted by giggles and cackles, telling that life is being enjoyed. Laughter rings through my house, whether at home or at school, raw and completely free. We are happy, despite the situations around us.

We are together, we are loved, we are whole, we are happy.

I am not one to sit back and let the world pass by. If there is something I want to do, I am going to do it. I cannot merely breathe through life. I must live it too. I have an urge to go out and save the world, and I am going to do everything I can to make it happen, with laughter in my heart.

Blog Love

The beautiful lady from Everyday Love awarded me with this little thing...

Which I just think is so fun! Thank you for thinking of me! Have you seen her blog? Check her out, she's a cutie! 

The award comes with a hitch though, and I have to provide everyone with seven details about me... So why not? Here's some easy reading for your Saturday...

I am obsessed with sudoku. Everytime I'm in an airport I pick up a book of puzzles.
When I move to Austin I plan to get a kitten and name him Bingley.
The last time a guy bought me a drink he was in his sixties, he kept admiring my nails and telling me how beautiful my smile was.
I make wishlists on online shopping sites but never actually make purchases, it’s my own type of retail therapy.
My mom traveled to the Taj Mahal by herself when she was 21 years old. She hiked through Nepal and India to get to my dad who was in the Peace Corp building bridges in the foothills of Nepal, it’s the coolest fact about them ever.
I believe in fate and in miracles.
I make decisions very quickly, because when I know what I want to do something, I start doing it right away.

So there's a little more about me.
Tell me one random fact about you! Please?

Pen Pals!

#25 of my Before 30 list is to start a "snail mail" correspondence. It is something that I have attempted to do many times in the past but it never seemed to work out.

I think I had a pen pal when I was twelve. He was from a different country, but for the life of me I cannot remember where. It was something set up in my school, my class was writing to a class in -Mexico?- We wrote two letters. The last batch of letters got lost in the mail, and then I think my teachers just gave up on it. 

I remember sending a picture of myself. I told him my favorite past time (playing in my woods and skating...) and my favorite food and about my enormous family because that is a favorite subject of mine. Mainly because I have the coolest brothers in the world. And sisters, but the sisters were itty then, so there wasn't much to tell about them. "Boo learned how to say fork today, we are so proud." Before the letters stopped I day dreamed that this boy would end up being my future husband, and what a story we would have. Even at twelve I dreamt  of marriage. 

The year after high school one of my friend's and I decided to stay in touch via letters, but it became difficult because we both changed addresses too many times and Facebook just seemed easier. Then when I was living in Copenhagen I tried again, but the postal system was too difficult for me (or maybe I was just too lazy to figure it out) (and buying stamps scared me because I had to use my terrible Danish). 

But I absolutely love getting things in the mail! Except for lately I have been getting only bank statements and bills - awesome. I love getting fun things that are filled with happiness, something little to brighten a day. That may be the lamest sentence ever, but it is exactly what I think letters are. Happiness. 

The other day I got a tweet from the wonderful Kelsey at Harbor Cottage asking if I wanted help accomplishing number 25. I jumped at the chance. So we exchanged mailing addresses and today, I wrote the first letter.

Except, hold up, how do you write a good letter to someone you don't really know? I have to admit I think I sounded like the twelve year old that first had a pen pal. I was overly giddy, all over the place. Just throwing out facts and ideas and observations about the most random things. Poor Kelsey. Also, poor Kelsey because my handwriting is not very pretty. Sorry! 

About a page and a half in I had no idea what to write anymore but realized I hadn't really written anything of substance. So I googled "how to write to a pen pal" because I am super cool like that. Ehow.com can tell me how! It gave a list of things you "need" which included an etiquette book. I started to freak that I didn't have an etiquette book, I began to google it, but realized that I was not going to actually get one, or read one, so I just hoped that I had the proper etiquette I needed to write a letter. What would that be? Maybe I should google it. 

Then it bullet pointed things to say - your age, if you had a pet, what your hobbies were, if you had children, what your favorite color was. 

And it said to make sure to write things people would find interesting. And then it told me to be courteous and not overwhelm the reader. So I finished the letter with "I'm 23." Because I didn't want to overwhelm her. And what if she didn't think my pet Max was interesting? Or what if she hated my favorite color? And then we could never be friends! 

I actually said a little bit more but I don't want to say because Kelsey will read this and then what was the point of sending the letter to her? And also I don't want to overwhelm all of you with too much information about me. Like how I sleep with a teddy bear named Ellie or my obsession Vermont food. That would be maple syrup, Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and Cabot Cheddar cheese. Something you should all love. I love them. Maybe not all at once... well... no, not all at once.  And I have an idea for give a way! But that shall be another post. 

I have already started to think about all the fun letters and trinkets I will send to her, and all the post cards she will get on my road trip/move down to Texas! It is so fun to have someone to send things too. I am so excited about that part, I almost forgot she'll be sending me letters too! Why did corresponding my letters become so old fashioned? It should be a timeless thing, don't you think?

DO YOU WANT A PEN PAL?? It turns out that Cait and I were on the same wave length with this pen pal thing and she is putting together a wonderful project. So if you want to take part in it, head on over and let her know. Also, become a follower! When she gets 500 she will do a give a way! And maybe you'll win! 

You are my favorite

Favorite Things

{1} food: anything with curry or coconut – Indian and Thai, I die :)

{2} color: purple and green

{3} animal: elephants

{4} sports team: Red Sox 

{5} dessert: strawberry rhubarb pie

{6} artist/singer/band: Ingrid Michaelson

{7} pair of shoes: my cowgirl boots :)

{8} outfit: for this time of year: leggings, long green blouse, long sweater, and my camel knee high boots

{9} store: the Loft

{10} brand: … I don’t have one?

{11} perfume: Gucci envy (from 5 years ago, they don’t make it the same anymore…)

{12} accessory: my peacock hair clip

{13} city: LONDON

{14} hobby: reading, writing… beginning to get into rock climbing… at the moment I spend all my time researching Austin

{15} beauty product: warmth – bare essentials

{16} snack: chips and hummus or cheese and (gluten free) crackers and green grapes

{17} holiday: Easter – the only holiday the entire family is together and the Inn is closed!

{18} movie: Princess Bride

{19} song: Lovers Waltz A.A. Bondy or The Call, Regina Spektor

{20} guilty pleasure: Wedding TV shows 

*Idea from Cait's favorite things

What you should know if you are going to live with me

The other day I was terribly bored so I started a list for Madic of things he should know about living with me. We have been best friends for 11 years but living together is going to be a bit different. I can't help but worry that he has no idea what he is getting himself into. So Madic - here it is - are you ready?

Sometimes I need to be alone. I will close myself up in my room. I may get home, grab food, and head straight for my room and not come out for hours. But it doesn’t mean anything. I just need my time sometimes.

Sometimes I can’t be alone. Sometimes I am so starved for attention that I will seek you out. Sometimes I will chatter away without taking breaths. Other times I’ll just want to sit near you.

The kitchen cannot get dirty. I will make sure it doesn’t get dirty. You will make sure it doesn’t get dirty. My room may get dirty. My room usually reflects how put together my life is. If my life is falling apart, my room is a disaster. If I am happy, organized, life is good, then my room is organized. I’m working on not letting my mood affect my cleaning behavior.

Sometimes I cry for no reason. A hallmark commercial can make me cry. Sometimes I take everything to heart. I take on everyone’s emotions until they fall out of me. It’s nothing big. You don’t need to comfort me (unless I cry that I just need a hug). Sometimes I will try to continue on with things pretending tears are not streaming down my face. Not often, but sometimes. Just ignore them.

I don’t talk in the morning. Ever. I have my coffee, I get ready for the day, I leave for the day. There is no small talk. I react badly to small talk in the morning. After 10 am I am happy as a clam (and 3 cups of coffee in).

I am going to listen to country music. Not all the time. But occasionally. I will try to only listen to it when you are not in the house, but sometimes I just need it.

I will dance. I will be silly. I will want to have people over to have dinner with us. I will want to drink at home more often than I will want to go out on the town. I will want to surround myself with fun, amazing people. I will want to have game night, and I will want it to be taken seriously. I want our house to be fun and inviting.

I do not want our house to look like we just moved in. I want it to look lived in, I want it to be comfy. It will not be a bachelor pad, it will not be a boy’s dorm room or even a girls dorm. It will be a home.

Sometimes I like to go out until four in the morning. I will come home and I will destroy the kitchen trying to find something delicious to make. I will come home, and if you are in bed I will want to wake you up and have you listen to all of my stories. I will want you to eat food with me. I will apologize profusely, but I will still try to drag you out of bed.

Sometimes I might bring a boy home. He may be a one night stand. He may be something lasting (not likely). Please don’t judge me. It won’t happen often.  But it will happen. Please be nice to him if he comes to breakfast.

Sometimes I will cry about stupid boys. Sometimes I will wonder why they don’t call. I will ask you a million questions about what you think is going on in their heads. Because you are a boy. So you must know.

Sometimes I will fall in love with boys and be incredibly bored with them six days later. Try to keep up? Never mind, you do not need to keep up. Just don’t judge me. And try not to call the next guy by the last guy's name.

I will cook. I will clean. I will stretch a dollar as far as it can go, and then some. And then sometimes I will beg to get take out. I will beg to hire a cleaning lady. I will want to go on a shopping spree.

I will constantly want to buy things for the apartment. I will need your help controlling myself.

I will constantly want to buy things for me. Please help me.

In the beginning I may stress that we do not have any friends. I will want you to go out constantly. I will drag you to flea markets. I will make you wait outside where my interview is. I will try every bar around.

Sometimes I will whine.

Sometimes I will sing.

Sometimes I will start drinking at noon. 

How to write an "About Me" page and not crack under the pressure... this is not a how to - this is a serious question!

I have been trying to work on an "about me" page, but there is so much pressure! I read on a blog once that the page should be funny, it should not tell your whole life, it should be relevant. Here's my problem: I think I'm a lot funnier than I actually am. I think everything in my life is relevant. And I think my life story is extremely interesting and important. But deep down I know none of that is true. Or maybe it is? I think very highly of myself.
So what do I say? I am getting flashbacks of writing "story of me" essays for new classes in high school. For some reason at least three of my high school teachers had us write that essay. And I got so sick of it. So I would write stories instead, thinking this story will tell a lot more about me, and be a lot more interesting, than a "My name is Annie, I am the fifth of eight children, I grew up on a farm/inn." Oh my god I'm already bored.
So what do I say on my about me? Seriously, the pressure! I know when I find a new blog the first place I head is there "About" page. I want to know who they are, if they are funny, what they write about. If I am not amused by what I see there I most likely will not continue on to the rest of their blog. So I HAVE to make a good impression. And that scares the hell out of me. Why do I care so much?! I want you to love me. I never thought I would care whether or not people like to read me. But now, I want you to love me, to think of me, to be on the edge of your seat waiting for my next post. Mostly, because I love myself, I think I'm awesome. You should obviously think I'm awesome too.

My biggest problem is how to start? I have all these one liners - but no beginning. "I write a lot about Madic who is my head-like-a-bowling-ball best friend with whom I am moving to Austin because he convinced me that I can wear my cowgirl boots whenever I want and I never have to trudge through 3 feet of snow again!"
"Since I graduated from high school I have lived in the Dominican Republic, Martha's Vineyard, Rhode Island, London, Copenhagen, and now I live back with  my parents which is... well it is."
"In the past five years I have actively pursued these careers: preschool teacher, hospitality, nursing, nutrition, a doula, editing, and at this moment I would like to be a florist."
"My mother just smiles at me every time I tell her where I want to move or what I want to be when I grow up."

You're asleep aren't you?

Also - what the hell do I write about? My grandparents - my mother - Jesus - tequila - wine - my family - tequila - wine - London? basically whatever is on my mind (wine). But how do I explain that?

I can't take this pressure!

Maybe I should have a couple glasses of wine and then write it.
Or maybe Madic should write it?