Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Boonomadic Rules of Living...

"You need to stop watching crappy tv, I'm going to make up an acceptable book list for you, you need to get back to reality."
Yep, that was Boonomadic, who is apparently my new life coach.
It came up after I cried to him about my ridiculous weekend away, and how Penn is toying with my emotions. "And then, *sniff* I watched a movie last night *sniff* and there was these two people, and they *hiccup - cause I'm just so upset!* hated each other... and then... oh my god they fell in loooovee!"Burst into tears. - not really, but I may as well have.
With that public display of a sad and lonely spinster, he felt the need to step in.
And so the Boonomadic ground rules were laid out:
1.) Penn was great, we all loved Penn, but he lives hundreds of miles away. And he has a new girlfriend. And even if he says he loves you (which he did on Saturday... blah..), that means nothing when he is hundreds of miles away and has no plans to move up here. It is time to cut him out for awhile.
This my friends is easier said than done. Especially since Boonomadic is saying it and I am just sitting there listening and nodding like a child who is told that too much candy will make her sick. Will it really?? (The answer is yes. I learned that yesterday.)
2.) Stop watching romantic comedies and crappy television. Put down your maudlin novels. Seriously? Who talks like that? They do not make you feel better.
I cry again, "It's because I'm destined to be a cat lady! wahhh! They are my only bit of romance!"
3.) Shut up. We both know that isn't true. We both know every time you go out you get hit on by almost every guy in the bar. So shut up, open your eyes, and let a guy ask you out.
4.) Have fun. Stop being a Hermit. Go out, and if you meet a guy do not think you are going to marry him after five minutes of chatting. Just have fun.

So I leave the cafe we are at after having two cups of coffee and eating all the valentine's day chocolate I had bought for him, ready to start my new life according to Boonomadic.
First things first, Penn. Ending things with him - even though we haven't really dated since August - made me silently wimper, and put me into a funk for most of the day. But I did it.
And, as if God looked down at me and said "I'm proud of you for doing that, so I will give you a treat!" This happened:
I was sitting at my desk at work and Hunky Waiter came in. HW is probably the only cute boy left in my town. I have spent many a day giggling and swooning over him, and one drunken staff party blatantly flirting with him. But he has had this gorgeous girlfriend for two years now. She is blond, perky, and perfect. The last time we talked he went on and on about how amazing she was. gag.
Anyway. HW was at my desk, being all suave and attractive and asking us "ladies" how our Valentine's days were. My desk companion gave a small recount of how she put her toddler to bed and was herself in bed by 8:30. Romantic.
Then he looked to me. "Oh, you know, just hung out with my sisters. Ate two giant heart boxes of chocolates. Watched movies... the usual." With a little pfff, who cares about Valentine's day? "What'd you do?"
"Why? You didn't do anything for your girlfriend?"
"I don't have a girlfriend anymore."
Now, I had thought I had kept it together very well. I thought I was showing a look of concern and a tad bit of pitty when I told him I was sorry and I hoped he was ok. But, as it turns out, there was a grin plastered on my face as I gave my apologies. I am so cool and collected, you should all be jealous.
When he left I turned up to the heavens and gave a wink and shot a finger gun up at the big man, you rock.
And later that night when HW called to ask me out I did a double gun salute and a little victory dance. Because I am cool like that.

So Boonomadic Rules of Living Less Pathetically - check off 1, 3, and 4! Number two? I'm sorry Madic, my love, but that just isn't happening. Cat lady or no cat lady, I need some unrealistic, over the top, smutty love in my life!

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