Dear Sister,

My Sweet Bear,

I’ve been having difficulty starting this. How can I presume to have knowledge enough to advise you? But as your sister, as your sponsor, as one who loves you so incredibly much, I want to try.

Sometimes I cannot believe you are sixteen. It thrills me and terrifies me at the same time. I am thrilled to see the woman you are becoming – you are beautiful, smart, a leader. Every day I amazed at your poise, your demeanor, your ability to carry on with a smile despite your illness.

But I am terrified. Terrified of what the world may have in store for you. I am scared because I remember when I was sixteen. I remember the trials, obstacles and heartbreak. High school was full of pressure and temptation. I made mistakes and had many regrets. IF I could spare you from these mistakes and just provide you with the lessons I would. But you may not make the same mistakes. No, you won’t. You are smarter than that. You have seen what it did to me. Unfortunately, you will make your own mistakes. You will cry. You will hurt. But you will learn.

Of course there will be millions of wonderful experiences as well. You will discover new things, you will live new experience, and you will find love.

You will find love in true friendships, love in a boy who makes your belly erupt with butterflies. Love in a mother who is always there no matter what you do, who seems to understand your deepest fears, your deepest desires; love in a your father who you will begin to understand as you grow older, who at the perfect moment will show his love and support though he may falter in his understanding of the vast emotions you are experiencing. Love in your brothers who will always strive to protect you, who will always support you but expect you to try your hardest and do your best. Love in your sisters who have been there from the beginning, who no matter how much you change, will always be the same. They – we – will be the constants in your life.

Most important, you will find the love of God. It is the most complex, most difficult love to understand and occasionally, to accept. But it is the most rewarding love, the most fulfilling. This love fills you, guides you, comforts you. This love makes you; it makes all the other loves in your life. All of these loves carry you through the difficult times, the wonderful times, even the plain-old, nothing special times.

Remember that love.

So, my pretty little sister, what advice can I give you?

1.       Always be yourself. Do not be embarrassed by who you are. Do not change to please others – you will regret it later and it will cause lasting damage. This is not uncommon, especially as you near college. So hold on to yourself. Love who you are. (I do!)

2.       Do not give in to pressure. This may be the most difficult piece of advice to follow because you may not notice the pressure. It could come in the form of friends talking, your friends beginning to change, beginning to have new experiences. You may feel left out, you may feel embarrassed for not joining them. But again, be true to who you are. Hold out. I promise you, looking back you’ll never think you were old enough.

3.       Take advantage of opportunities. Travel, be spontaneous, love. Take chances.

4.       Volunteer – give back, immerse yourself in a life you have never experienced and make it better.

5.       Do not worry about what others expect you. Do not worry about following the social norm.

6.       Make sure you are happy. Do not settle with simply content.

7.       Live life completely. Laugh often. Sing and dance every day, even if it is just in the kitchen.

8.       Work hard, commit to your dreams and fulfill them.

9.       Exercise. Seriously, it’s good for the body and the soul.

10.   No matter what – this is so important that I am saying it again – know that God loves you. He does. He needs you and you need him. Catholicism may be difficult at times, you may doubt, you may fall away. But you must never turn away from God. Without him life is empty. I have turned away and this is a lesson I do not want you to have to experience to learn from. It was the most difficult, empty time in my life. You need God, Bear. His miracles are always surrounding us. His love showers us. Love him.

There is my little bit of knowledge. It’s not nearly enough but it is all I have. Together we will learn more. You are a beautiful person Bear, you have a beautiful soul, and I am so blessed to be your sister. I love you a ridiculous amount.

With faith and love,

Annie

The one where I decide I'm Never. Growing. Up.

My mind is full of fantasy. Of pirate ships and cowboys running off into the sunset. Of princesses and princes. Of fairies in the woods. Of magic dust. And girls who can fly, and mermaids who swim in the deep ocean.
Sometimes, when I need a break from the real world, and when I am lucky enough to be near it, I escape to "my meadow." It's three meadows down, deep in the woods. When you walk into the clearing all you see is rolling hills, the dip, and grow. A single tree resides close to the middle. Most importantly, you cannot see even a tiny sign of civilization. I am convinced this is where the fairies live. And if I look closely enough, I may see a centaur walking quietly along the tree line.
You wouldn't know it to look at me. You wouldn't know it to talk to me. But it's there, in my head, giving me smiles.
In Denmark a couple weeks ago we visited Tivoli. It was full of color and bloom on it's opening weekend. Everything dressed to the nines in preparation for Easter. A ballerina, a jester, and a clown frolicked around the gardens making friends and putting on mini performances. And then there was the Pirate Ship. Sitting so serenely in the "bay." Almost ominously. Lurking almost. But it seemed to welcome me. It seemed to whisper "Come explore!" Unfortunately it was off limits. Unless of course I wanted to book a birthday party.
A BIRTHDAY PARTY?? It was the most brilliant idea anyone has ever put into my little head. A birthday party, on a pirate ship? Yes please!
E laughed at my excitement. "Well, you can tell you grew up with boys." And she walked off. Not one for fantasy? But boys or  no boys. Think of the romance. The adventure. The pure happiness I will feel perched in the bird's nest while everyone sings happy birthday!
Not to mention it allows me to celebrate growing older, but never actually grow up.
And so, my friends, it is added to my Before 30 list, whether it's my 25th or the 30th itself, I will celebrate a birthday on a pirate ship.

And we will drink rum ;)

Annie at 14, she's a poet

I found this in a journal I had to write for my freshman English class, when I was fourteen. I have been digging through old boxes and deep into closets getting ready for my move, it's amazing how many bits and pieces of my life I have left behind in my parents' house, after all this time.
I was surprised to find a poem, I even had to google it because I didn't believe I wrote it. I was always bad at writing poems... I still am. This is just half a poem, but it kind of gave me flutters.

The love of the young is a precious thing

It's innocent and sweet like a doves white wing

The small romances that come from imagination

Take form and spring from all creation

The funny thing in, the only love I knew was my crush on my brother's best friend, six years my senior. Quite the *imagination*. 

Madic, Ninja Turtles, and the loss of action figures...

The other day I had the intense urge to go on an adventure. Life had become pretty mundane, I would go to work, go home, do a little workout, read a little, blog a little, go to the twins' house, not sleep, get home at 6 am and sleep until 9 am, then off to work again. I've been repeating this routine ever day for the past two weeks.
But, one night, I didn't have to go to the twins', so I was itching to do something new. I called up Madic and he picked me up for work. Here's the thing though... there is nothing to do in my town. Everything closes at 6 pm or 8 pm and I get out of work at 9 pm. So I got the idea to hop state lines and go to the Walmart in New Hampshire, they close at midnight. That's right friends, my idea of adventure is to go to Walmart... what is my life coming to? 
Our purpose? Buy new Ninja Turtle action figures. This is something of a tradition with Madic and me, we buy each other Ninja Turtle paraphernalia. It started when we first met in the fifth grade. Madic was visiting my school to see if he wanted to transfer there. He was an awkward kid, tall and gangly, and extremely nervous about spending the day in a classroom with strangers. We sat near each other, somehow he thought we had met before (we hadn't) so he felt a little more comfortable talking with me. And then he said it, he loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We plunged into a long discussion about who our favorite turtle was (Michelangelo), the awesomeness of Splinter, the fact that I was ten times cooler than April, and how, ok, maybe I was a little bit in love with Casey Jones.
At the end of the day I told Madic that if he didn't transfer to our school I would beat him up.
From there our friendship has blossomed around Ninja Turtles, as well as our love of playing pranks, getting away with doing absolutely nothing in school and running all over the world. For all of his major birthdays (and when I feel bad that I've missed a birthday) Madic has received some sort of Ninja Turtle. One of my favorite things is our matching Ninja Turtle quilts - something we both realized we had in sixth grade. Meant to be.

So we head to Walmart. We enter the toy area, which seems to have shrunk since the last time we graced its aisles. We look around. There are no action figures. There are doll-like things, foot tall Iron Man figurines and poorly made transformers. Oh, and wrestlers. Why are there always wrestlers? How many little kids watch wrestling really? Especially when you compare it to how many little kids (and big kids, come on, you know you still watch it) watch ninja turtles. Seriously.
Madic and I stood there, glancing at the toys, glancing at each other. The whole basis of our friendship in question. Walmart didn't sell Ninja Turtles? Not only that, they do not sell Batman, Superman, Spiderman (but that's ok, who likes Spiderman?). Come on! These things are timeless. You cannot trade them in for something new! And does this change  in toy trends mean that the classic superheroes - some that have been around since the 30's - are finally being phased out? This thought upsets me. I am now on a hunt to get everything super hero/ninja turtle related and properly educate my nieces and nephews.

Hmm... can you tell I grew up with all brothers? Yeah, no barbies for this girl.