"I'm not saying it's all going to be terrible. You're going to have some good times too. In the beginning you will be high on life, high on the new adventure. You'll find yourself surrounded by new, amazing, interesting people. You'll laugh a lot, go a little crazy, have a lot of fun. Because new is fun. But new is also scary. No matter how independent you think you are, new can scare you. Just be ready for that.
"I'm not telling you not to go, I'm proud of you for taking this step. I'm proud of you for branching off, making your own life, carving your own path. I just worry for you. I just want you to be prepared. I don't want you to give up. So I'm warning you now, be ready for the tough times, because there will be many."
This was a lecture from my brother, B3, the day before I flew down to Austin to look for apartments. I was annoyed with him. Of course I knew it would be hard, I've lived on my own before, I told him. I know what it's like to not have any money to buy food, to not have any money to put gas in my car in order to get to the grocery store to buy food. I have been there. But have I? I've always had the little cushion of student loans (I loathe you now loans). I've been able to call my mother and ask her to maybe perhaps put twenty dollars in my bank account? Because I was a starving college student, that was acceptable. I'm an adult now, I can't call my mother about everything. I need to make my own life.
Cut to me in Austin. Madic's plane was delayed overnight. I was sitting alone in his friend of a friend's house. My realtor was being difficult and flaky. I couldn't figure out a way to get downtown that wouldn't take two hours. And so, I sat on the floor and cried (You may notice that when I cry, I sit on the floor... it helps me feel more grounded). Then I called my mother and cried, ready to admit defeat. I asked myself, and her, and my father who was listening in the background. "What the hell am I doing? Why did I think this was a good idea?!" To which my mom told me this was just a bump in the road, a good learning experience, and that everything will be ok. And if it wasn't ok, then I didn't have to move to Austin. Simple as that. Except I am super proud and stubborn and I've been telling everyone I'm moving to Austin so I cannot back out now. So I didn't.
Madic finally arrived, we called a new realtor, we found a great apartment, and I began to breath again. Until I started thinking about my job search without a degree... Oy vey, what have I gotten myself into? I just need to listen to what my brother says and face it head on, because, I chose this.